Posts Tagged ‘fear’

Eat, Drink, and Be Merry

I admit it.

I’m terrified.

Tomorrow is the first of November.  Tomorrow is the first day of writing for my novel.  Tomorrow is the day I jump into the icy cold water, where the only way out is to write fifty thousand consecutive words all pertaining to the same thing, and I woke up this morning, thinking and feeling like I must be outside of my mind.

I mean. I can’t write a novel, can I?  That question surfaces more often than I’d like.  But, I’d like to propose that the question itself is misleading.  Writing a novel, I now know, is not a matter of ability.  I am no longer concerned with whether or not I am capable of such a feat.  The matter at hand is whether or not I will write a novel.  And, I’ve decided already, that’s what I’m going to do.

There are so many questions beyond that first one that are scratching away at the inside of my brain.  I have lingering doubts over characterization, setting, comedic timing, appropriate dialogue and even character names.  I found a solution, though.

I’m not going to let myself ask questions about my novel.  Not yet.  See, my novel isn’t a story I’m telling.  It’s a premise I’m creating.  And that part is already done.  I’ve wheeled out the marble and it is sitting, in full block form, inside my mind.  I’ve only left to start whittling away at it to find the story inside.  I’m terribly excited about that prospect, because I think there are some very exciting things in store for me over the next month and more.  I want to meet my characters, experience their world, and ultimately, share it with other people.

But, for today, I’m going to let myself be nervous.  I’m going to let myself worry and wonder and fear.  I have time for such distractions today, so I might as well get them out of the way while I can.  I know that writing about writing a novel is easier than writing the novel itself.  I do get some comfort out of knowing that no one else can write my novel for me.  Also, I’ve put it out there for far too many people to see that I’m doing this.  I can’t back out now.

Whew.  Deep breaths. Patience. Calm.

Eat. Drink. Be Merry.

Tomorrow, we write.